School's In
by NerdyKnitter
Summary: After Voldemort wins the battle at Hogwarts, Hogwarts is moved to California! Now as a place of science, mad men called white coats take over and now it's up to the flock to decided how this story ends.8D


Author's note: PLEASE REVEIW! PLEASE! I only have 2 reviews and they are both from my sister. PLEASE! :)

Disclaimer: Neither Harry Potter or Maximum Ride are mine. How sad.

Introduction:

After Dumbledore left and Harry died, Hogwarts was never the same. How would I know? I'm the narrator. I know this story forwards an sideways. Backwards is a little to complicated for someone of my advanced age.

Anyway, enough about me. After Dumbledore died and Harry... What? Oh. You say you've already heard this part? Okay. After they were gone and Snape had become headmaster of Hogwarts, some terrible things started to happen. You know what happened in the seventh Harry Potter book, right? How Snape became nice just before he died and there was a huge battle that took place in Hogwarts in which many people were killed but that's okay because Harry defeated Vol- You Know Who. Well, none of that ever happened.

JK Rowling was a great story teller. She spread our story well (although how a muggle found out about us I am not sure. Something was said a while ago about her being a squib...). She spent years looking for evidence (people thought she was quite the odd one in those days). Then she found Diagon Alley through the brick wall by that pub. She couldn't believe that she had been right for all these years. She finally believed that her journalism major would come in handy. When she tried to publish a story on us, the editor laughed and told her to go write a book. After much disagreement with one Professor Dumbledore, she decided to write Harry Potter. She trailed us for years. It was annoying and kind of creepy. She wrote our story and sold it to people around the world as a great work of fiction. Anyway, when she found out how the story really ended, well, she didn't have the heart to write it, so she made up her own ending. Quite convincing wasn't it. Well, I am here to set the record straight.

You see, Harry, Ron, and Hermoine left Hogwarts at a very critical time. Things were so crazy there. So many types of magic and so much magic had been used (or even created) there, that Hogwarts became alive and went a little bit crazy.

One day, while walking through the castle, third year Ravenclaw students, who were headed towards their divination class, stumbled upon a weird silver button. It was circular and had holes in it that allowed people to see the flowery designs in it with more ease and accuracy. It was only about an inch in diameter, so how the two Ravenclaw students saw it, I am not sure (but you know those smarty-pants Ravenclaws...). One of the two students (I'm told it was Magdelena, but I'm not really sure. What ever happened to knowing the story forwards and sideways, you ask. You dork!, I reply) reached out to touch the button.

"No!" the other student, Lina, I believe, called. "Too many weird things have been happening around here. Remeber Deeger? He found a green plastic monkey and picked it up. Do you remember what happened to him? He's still in the hospital wing! Then there's Belger. He walked in to some mist, thinking it was just water, and his face is still turning colors! Last I knew it was orange. He looked like he had a really nasty fake tan."

"Yeah! I heard that too."

"Maybe we should go find Professor Flitwick and tell him about the button."

"Or maybe the Headmaster."

"But Snape scares me. He's kind of mean..."

"And ugly."

"Good thing he wasn't around to hear that."

"Hey, have you heard anything about Harry lately?" Maggie, as she preferred to be called, said, picking up the silver button. She should have listened to her friend, but no. She just had to pick up the button. Third years... Always so curious. Ah, well. Where was I? "Hey, have you..." Oh, you've heard that bit already too. Blimey. Way to blame me for having the memory of a gold fish. Now, if you would just stop interrupting me, I could actually get on with the story, you whippersnapper.

Okay, so Mags should have listened to her friend. The moment she touched the button, she exploded into several pieces and replaced the Gray Lady as the house ghost.

Thanks. Call me a cold and heartless old fool. All I did was say that with as little emotion as possible! It was pretty talented though. Do you want to know why? No? Fine. Be a jerk and rush me back to the story and not even care about me. Oh. You think this is funny? Do you wanna see funny? Huh? No? Be that way. Back to the story, huh? Whatevs.

Well. La la la... Mags exploded. Oh, yes. I was about to say, 'No wonder the sorting hat almost put her in Hufflepuff..' but then someone interrupted me.

Anyway, another weird thing happened. Hogwarts started to spin is pan and whirled and soon enough, a cloud of green smoke appeared. Okay, I'm kidding. Well, about the green smoke (that's a little too Magic Treehouse). The catle spun and spun and spun. Not even the oh great headmaster knew what was going on. Minerva McGonagal did, though. I knew she would have made a better headmaster. I told the Ministry of Magic, but no!

The next thing anyone knew, they were someplace different. The beautiful green and grassy hills of England became the sky scrapers and white sand beaches of southern California. Yep. Good ol' CA.

Everyone was shocked. It had stopped raining and it was.. oh, about 95 degrees. Good thing they arrived on a cold day. Also, they were no longer in the middle of nowhere. They were in the middle of a big city. I mean a big one. Like a 2 million plus population city. Yep. Where? Oh, I can't say. I was sworn to secrecy, and I literally can't. You see. I'm trying right now. Nope. no luck. Do you want to know why? Wait, I know... back to the story. Whatever. Be a jerk, I don't care.

Unfortuantely, Vold- You Know Who- and all the other problems they had back in England had followed. Basically, Howarts had taken and moved all of the magical beings, buildings, and other things from England and moved them to a big city, which I'll call You Know Where, which is kind of odd because you don't know where.

So, what ever happened to Harry? I knew that's all you cared about. Harry was imprisoned by the Minister of Magic for the spreading of nasty lies and scaring people by saying that You Know Who was back even though the minister had seen You Know Who himself. What an odd creature. Unfortunately, the Death Eaters that were also in Azkaban intercepted Harry's food... Oh, and Ron and Hermione's food, so they all died of starvation. See why good 'ol JK didn't want to report how the story really ended? I sure wouldn't, but that's my job. Lucky me.

Years later, You Know Who, who had managed to trick people that he was a Professor Lilibus Withner who taught the 'Magic Behind Physics' at a local wizarding secondary school called 'Verdibar.' Eventually, he became the headmaster of Hogwarts. Snape, you see, was said to have suffered a random fatal heart attack, but Professor WIthner knew otherwise, seeing as he was the cause of Snape's death.

You Know Who, now disguised as Headmaster Lilabus Withner, introduced Hogwarts to muggles as a scientific research institute. Needless to say (so why am I about to say it?) the wizards left and attended different schools and Hogwarts was no longer part of the wizarding world. How sad.

About a century later, after all the people who were in the Harry Potter books had passed in to the Great Beyond, Hogwarts, which was now a top-secret research lab called 'The School.' A Scientist named Jeb was in charge of mixing DNA molevules of different species to create new creatures, like elephant sheep and bird kids. Well, soon a group of bird kids, called 'the flock' were created and I think you know the story from there.

So, now do you want to know why I said that Mags exploded (...) with no emotion? Huh? No? You people just don't care about the narrator, do you?...

The end.


End file.
